Have you had a “fall apart” moment lately? I have. Not just “having a hard day,” but a true moment where contact with others took more emotional energy than I owned. Getting a ding of a new text message brought dread instead of joy. The cringe where the phone would ring because I didn’t have the energy to say hello, listen, or share. After a day or two of struggle, I put the phone away so I wouldn’t even have to wrestle with whether I should answer or respond. I wanted the needs of others to not exist; it was too much. I was falling apart.
So where is God when I fall apart? The truth is that God is in the same place that He is on my best day, “an ever-present help in times of trouble.” (Psalm 46:1.) The feeling of Him being far away is not because He went somewhere. There are times the distance I feel is based on the veil or barrier that I have put between us to hide behind and separate me from all the things I face. Sometimes there is just silence from God and I don’t understand the reason.
Sometimes God rescues me in my distress. Other times, He rescues me from the despair in my heart as I turn to Him. He is like the Father in the Parable of the Two Sons (Luke 15:11-32). He looks out, day after day, hoping to catch a glimpse of His child who has decided to come home. He is ready to run and gather me in His embrace. As seen since the beginning of time, God walks in the Garden every day. He calls out and wants to walk with me. I choose whether I join Him. Like Adam and Eve, I choose to construct a garment of fig leaves to try to hide behind. I choose not to join Him on our daily walk. God knows my every thought, and today my thoughts are dark. I want to hide from everyone, including God. I just don’t have the energy today. I’ve got nothing…
Where is God? He’s waiting. He’s standing at the door, wanting me to invite Him in (Revelation 3:20). He wants to have dinner and hear about my day. He wants to be a shoulder to cry on (Isaiah 41:10). But instead, I leave the door closed. I don’t answer my phone. I sit in the dark… alone… sad… crumbling.
Even though the effort seems monumental, finding God begins with the simple act of lifting my attention upward. In every dark pit of despair, there is a glimpse of the sun. Even if it seems like only a tiny pinhole of light, it is there. God doesn’t require that I walk hundreds of miles to get home to where He is, the first step is to look up.
If you are in a dark place, here are some chapters in the Bible to help lift your gaze to the One who loves you and is ready to walk with you. I encourage you to write them or print them to keep them in front of you:
Isaiah 40
Psalm 121
Psalm 139
I invite you to reach out and let’s connect. You do not have to walk alone…
What helps you lift your gaze?