When my family was going through a horrible season, I fervently prayed for a family member to turn towards God. I declared that I would pray every day until they were redeemed and restored. My words poured out with passion—until suddenly, as if a crosswalk guard had stepped in with a whistle and a firm hand, I heard these words in my spirit: “Stop praying. Your prayers are ugly.”
I was taken aback with feelings of anger at this interruption to my prayers. I looked up at the ceiling and forcefully said to God, “Is that Biblical?”
As I calmed down, God revealed the truth about the condition of my heart. The ugly reality is that when this person was restored, I wanted to be able to smugly say, “I prayed for you every day.” Behind those words were thoughts of self-righteousness, hidden but now exposed: I’m the one who made sure you were restored. It’s me that held the rope between you and falling to your destruction.
My prayers had become more about my role than how God was at work. The true motive of my prayers had been brought into the light. God wasn’t condemning me; He was rescuing me from my pride, my striving, and the illusion that I was the savior. I responded with both tears of humility and fears of the looming destruction coming to our family at full speed.
I was in a bit of shock as to what to do. I asked a few people if they thought God would say something like that. But the words were very clear. I stopped praying for this person as I wrestled with God about the wrong motives of my heart.
“Come, let’s settle this,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are scarlet, they will be as white as snow; though they are crimson red, they will be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land."
Then, the beautiful side of this story began to unfold. Every day, every single day, I received a text, or a written note, or a phone call from one or more people telling me that they were praying for my family member. When God told me to stop praying because my prayers were ugly, He prompted others to pray. Not only did they pray, but they reached out to tell me they were praying. I experienced such comfort in being surrounded by a community of people who were fighting on my behalf.
I can’t remember the exact time frame, but I believe it was 7–10 days later that I felt a release to begin praying again for this person. A new humility had grown over those days. A new confidence in God as the One who holds all things together.
"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17
I no longer needed to be the one holding the rope; He was. I could let go of keeping this person safe because they were secure in His keeping.
I now prayed with a different heart. I prayed with a powerful belief in who God is and what HE can do.
Note: Seven years later, I am still praying for their full restoration. I continue to grow in understanding the grace of God, His justice, and my role.
Read Colossians 1:9–20. Just as Jesus "holds all things together," He holds your life, relationships, and circumstances together too. Talk to Him about the condition of your heart:
About your situation
Towards injustice happening
In partnership with God: His part, your part
Together, we provide support and strength for one another. Please add your comments on this blog!